November 11, 2006

Damaged and Scary...

Lady's MS has flared up again. This time it seems to be fueled by the medications which she just recently started taking again.

She hasn't been this bad in a long time. Her emotions are off the charts. I spent an entire 2 hour conversation trying to calm her down enough that I could actually understand what she was saying. She was crying that hard.

I feel so useless and frustrated. Even when I was close by these moods were hard to deal with, but at least then I could go visit...maybe get her out of the house...distract her. I'm worthless now. There isn't a damn thing I can do. I hate this feeling. That someone I love NEEDS me and I am powerless.

I'm also upset with myself. Underneath everything I resent her...and her sickness. Yes, I know she didn't choose to become ill. But she did. My mother is forever changed because of this. I hate that I can't make it through a conversation about ms with her without becoming angry at her overly-emotional state.

I want my mommy!