A lesson finally learned...

(Note: The following is an issue I've struggled with for a long time. It's been on my heart since becoming Christian five years ago. It's been the focus of several conversations with family, friends, classmates, students, and others. It came back up during this summer's vacation and afterward when the Chic-Fil-A brouhaha started. This morning a teenager at my church spoke the words that cleared up the murk. Everything made sense, and I now have the words to explain my stance.)

Love thy neighbor... (Leviticus 19:18)
Love the least of these... (Matthew 25:40)
The world will know you (as Christian) by the love you give/show... (John 13:35)
Do unto others as you'd have done unto you...(Matthew 7:12) (AKA: The Golden Rule)

To those who are using/ understanding Christian to be a blanket term for hatred and ignorance, I challenge you to practice what you preach -- tolerance. No one is perfect, even Christians. The best way to stop hatred in its tracks is to show love brightly and strongly...not to throw anger back at it.

          You are upset that people/companies support groups who believe in things you don't. You

          make posts on social network sites expressing your anger and hatred for such actions. To 

          my eyes, you are showing just as much bigotry, hatred, and intolerance as you are "fighting"

          against. Perhaps, instead of being angry and boycotting a restaurant you should buy large

          amounts of their food, and then use it to feed the hungry...show the company that good can  

          come directly from their company...that they don't have to support hate groups.

This lesson also applies to Christians.  If you've read the bible at all, you know we are taught to love thy neighbor, judge not - lest ye be judged, and show God's love. Denying and/or trying to diminish the right's of others, as well as supporting groups that condemn others (whether under the name of God/Jesus or not) is blatantly ignoring these teachings (from the Old Testament as well as New). 

           As a Christian, and even before that, I know it is not my place to judge others. Homosexual 

           or heterosexual, rich or poor, whatever race you claim...we are all sinners. The only thing I 

          can do to/for you is to love you. I can accept you. I can support you. I can show you my 

          love and God's love. I can know that your sin is between you and God and I have no part

          in that, ultimately. Therefore, I will continue supporting gay rights. I will treasure my

          friends and family whose lives differ from my own. The rainbow makes this world a 

          beautiful place.

(Tangent: Yes, I know homosexuality is listed as a sin in various parts of the bible. There are also lots of places that are against heterosexuality....both expressly outside of marriage. An easy, simple, and no where written as going against the word of God solution is marriage. It works to erase the sins of heterosexuals. I see no reason why it shouldn't be the solution for homosexuals. Now the only thing standing in the way is the world (laws of man). To my eyes, this makes accepting gay / lesbian marriages all the more important. )

Changing sleep routines

I am not a happy happy girl right now. I'm sleepy. Very tired...mostly brain tired, but some physical tired. Know what I mean, Vern?  Of late I have not been sleeping well. It sucks. I'm wide awake somewhere between 12:30 and 2 am. Then it's taking all my power to stay in bed and doze for a few hours until my alarm goes off. If there's any noise at all or any light visible, I'm screwed. No sleep for me once I awake.

I hear that there's an article floating around that talks about how sleep splitting is more natural for the body. Maybe for some, but not for me. I'm not used to this. I'm usually in bed between 8:30-9:30 pm and stay asleep until 5:30 am. It's good, and I have all the energy I need to make it through the day again. This new waking up at 1 and barely napping until 5:30 am thing is for the birds. It's starting to frustrate me. By my last class, yesterday, I was having difficulty writing clearly on the boards, my spelling ability flew out the window, and I was yawning like crazy. It's fairly disruptive. I need sleep.

I don't know what's going on. I thought maybe stress, but the stressful things I'm aware of have been taken care of.  When I drank caffeine regularly, this might have been normal. However, I've been off caffeine for almost three years now. My family isn't being any more loud or active at night than normal. I'm exercise occasionally, try not to fall asleep watching tv, don't eat immediately before bed, read until I'm dropping my book and snoring more than reading. Yet, I'll still be awake at 1 am.

Help.

New hobby

I'm slowly learning the skill of machine sewing. This is a very good thing.  Today, I completed my first all-by-myself purse.  It's a bit small for an all-the-time bag, but will be great for those times when I don't want to carry everything in the world with me (it fits my wallet, glasses case, and phone with only a little room to spare)...or even as a formal purse. It's pretty!

 This is a pretty good shot...it shows off the different patterned materials that I put together. They are all in the same shades and have a metallic sheen to them. Ooh la, la!

Isn't it pretty?

Overwhelmed

Sometimes I over-eat....trying to smother the bad feelings.
Sometimes I watch sad tv/movies....trying to cry away the bad feelings.

I've learned to pray....to give up the bad feelings.

None of these is working tonight.

Now my stomach hurts.  I can't stop the tears but I'm not really crying either. I've said the same prayer over and over. I know it by heart. God knows it, and I'm pretty sure he just wants me to stop. But I can't. So. Now my brain is running in circles. I want to stay up late and watch Grey's Anatomy. I don't think I can actually sleep. Staying on the sofa isn't the answer.


Also. I may be going crazy. Today got to me.

And the bad

Sometimes it really sucks to work with At-Risk kids. This is especially true when you find out that they haven't overcome the risks.

Near the end of the last school year I found out that a former student of mine did something exceedingly stupid. He tried to steal a laptop from a little girl on the street. Sadly, she wouldn't let go of her laptop and was drug behind the car...killing her. The boy, and the his friend with him, were caught and thrown in prison.


A facebook message tonight alerted me to the fact that my student will probably never see the outside world again. He was charged with murder 1 and a couple of other charges including trafficing.

I don't know how to feel about this. He was (as far as I knew him) a good kid who just deserved a chance.  But, I'm also glad that he will be paying the consequences for this.

DIY

Score! One of the major hurddles I have / had in my crocheting is the ability, or lack there of, to count stitches. It seems reasonable to me to believe that if I start off with the right number of stitches and match the length of the chain....then the new bit should be the same number of stitches. This is not always the case. A good portion of my crocheting becomes wobbly edged and stretched out.

But, I sucked it up. Learned how to count. And have produced one super cute, imho, pair of fingerless gloves.

A New Year

Out with the old. In with the new.  ~ A fresh start. ~ Time to make some resolutions! ~ Time to reevaluate. 


I don't really know which philosophy I ascribe to. They all seem reasonable....in some form or another. I can see how they would work for people. I also understand why many people cave and ditch the resolutions before the first month is even up. Change is hard. Admitting that you're flawed is hard. Asking for help, admitting you need help, getting help....it's all hard.

I don't usually make resolutions. But over the past two years I have set some goals for myself. Yes, I originally set these goals in January, but they weren't really New Year's resolutions. They were just things I wanted to work on.

Last year's goals: 1. Keep the weight off and get healthier.  Check!  (I feel really good about where I am and how my health is going.)
                            2.  Relax.  Try to curb the drastic mood swings and stress outs.   Check. (There has been a noted decrease in the amount of emotional craziness coming from me. Still a ways to go, though.)
                            3. Start listening and trusting in God, more.   Check. (This goes hand in hand with the stress thing and I'm positive that He is the peace I needed.  Still a long journey here, too.)
                            4.  Love.    Check!!
                            5. Evaluate and let go of things that weren't working for me.  Check! (Book review blog gone. Trying to fit in with other's views of me as a Christian, Teacher, Woman.............mostly gone.)


For 2012  I'm putting my goals out for the world to see...

1. Faith (in God, in others, in myself)
2. Love
3. Japan (if you don't know...just wait, I'll explain sooner or later)
4. Travel  (because I haven't really and I want to)
5. Write more  (maybe if I practice more events like NaNoWriMo won't be so stressful.)
6. Be less judgmental  (I am terribly judgmental (of people ~ real and on the internet) and honestly have no reason to be)
7. Read the books on my shelves. (My brain cracked last night and I had a fit about which book to read. Must read the unread books that are filling up four of my shelves before I buy/borrow more.)
8. Bike (Ride it more, fix it up a bit, enjoy it more often)
9. Crochet (do more, learn more, be less frustrated with something I enjoy)
10. Learn to sew (I would like to be able to make myself skirts and purses)

So there they are. My goals. They are not resolutions. They are not to the exclusion of everything else. They aren't taking the place of past goals. There is still a lot of work left to do on those. They are just goals....things to make me a better me. It will be interesting to come back next Dec 31 and see what these goals have become.