tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-237065852024-03-12T21:59:46.091-07:00MandylandSometimes thoughts need more space than other places allow. This is my ongoing journal. It functions as both a memory bank and a venting location.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.comBlogger411125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-81017490122200181612013-07-28T17:06:00.001-07:002013-07-28T17:07:47.767-07:00brain hacking listFaith<br />
Strength<br />
Fitness<br />
Goal<br />
De-stress<br />
Commitment<br />
Motivation<br />
Enthusiasm<br />
ActiveMandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-76375896260624192852013-07-14T16:40:00.002-07:002013-07-14T16:40:55.956-07:00Life hacking my brainI have to do something. The stress mentioned in the last post has had lasting effects. I'm not sure why, but I can't just give up the stress and get over it. I keep clinging to it. Finding a reason to still be worried. Plus, for fun, somewhere along the way my ability to use will-power fled out the window. So on top of being stressed....which as a side note, is making me more stressed as now I have to worry about that too....now I'm having trouble making good decisions. Nothing life threatening...just not good for me in general. Things like inhaling a sundae that contains more calories than I normally eat in a couple days shouldn't be done....but damn, I'm sure it will taste great. And screw it. There goes the sundae. I've been having these issues for a while.<br />
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With Teel's support, I'm researching how to change my behaviors and get my will-power back. Life hacking is what those crazy internet kids are calling it today. It seems to boil down to changing your bad habits by using positive self-talk to strengthen your brain...and hopefully strengthen your will power.<br />
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<br />
So now I'm busy wrapping my brain around personal power words. Step 1, here I come.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-54348713115923798022013-07-12T14:49:00.000-07:002013-07-12T14:49:07.281-07:00Making a comebackA year. A year! It has been a year since I last blogged. There's not much I can say. It wasn't intended. I'm positive that if I'm going to let the blog die it won't just be in lapsed silence.<br />
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This last year (I judge years by school years...or summer to summer) has been crazy. At school, I took on extra classes. I was teaching up to 5 class periods a day, when the norm is 3, without an actual prep period. That's a lot of work, with no break. It stressed me out to the point that I didn't even know I was grumpy and stressed. It was just the norm. Professionally, I also took on trying to obtain my reading endorsement. This has been harder than I imagined. With experience teaching, the state of AZ doesn't believe that I need to actually become part of a college reading instruction program. But my first failed attempt at just taking the exam proved that I do need classes, so spare time has been funneled towards those classes. Due to the stress of work and college classes I've let my fitness plans slip. I've just been too tired to do any sort of exercise with any regularity. So, slowly over the last year I've put back on 15 lbs. This is most troubling because it means most of my clothes don't fit. Not even a little bit. It's sad and frustrating. Especially, considering at the beginning of the year I challenged myself into participating in the Dirty Girl 5K. I was fit enough to participate. I did well....in fact I know I was stronger and in better shape than many of the participants....however, I was not able to run the full 5k. There were large lengths of the course that I walked. During all of this I was wrapped up in comicon. I took on a new position....which blossomed into a much bigger position unintentionally. I saw problems and tried to fix them. But that made my experience harder and frustrating.<br />
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<br />
And that was a load of rambling. But really the point is to say....I'm not sure how I'm going to get about it. I want to dial back. I want to relax and enjoy the things I'm doing again. Some of the plans include not taking on extra classes, getting back into my exercise routine (I'd love to lose those 15 lbs. again.), and pulling back out of the stressful things. Right now I believe that may also mean pulling back on my comicon involvement. It also means perhaps having time to blog without the thought just exhausting me. Or participating in NaNoWriMo?<br />
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I want to be happy again. I want to relax. I'm tired of worrying about things.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-78731504941382720592012-07-29T11:36:00.000-07:002012-07-29T12:55:30.032-07:00A lesson finally learned...<h4 style="font-weight: normal;">
<i>(Note: The following is an issue I've struggled with for a long time. It's been on my heart since becoming Christian five years ago. It's been the focus of several conversations with family, friends, classmates, students, and others. It came back up during this summer's vacation and afterward when the Chic-Fil-A brouhaha started. This morning a teenager at my church spoke the words that cleared up the murk. Everything made sense, and I now have the words to explain my stance.)</i></h4>
<b><br /></b><br />
<b>Love thy neighbor... (Leviticus 19:18)</b><br />
<b>Love the least of these... (Matthew 25:40)</b><br />
<b>The world will know you (as Christian) by the love you give/show... (John 13:35)</b><br />
<b>Do unto others as you'd have done unto you...(Matthew 7:12) (AKA: The Golden Rule) </b><br />
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<br /></div>
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To those who are using/ understanding Christian to be a blanket term for hatred and ignorance, I challenge you to practice what you preach -- tolerance. No one is perfect, even Christians. The best way to stop hatred in its tracks is to show love brightly and strongly...not to throw anger back at it.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You are upset that people/companies support groups who believe in things you don't. You</div>
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make posts on social network sites expressing your anger and hatred for such actions. To </div>
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my eyes, you are showing just as much bigotry, hatred, and intolerance as you are "fighting"</div>
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against. Perhaps, instead of being angry and boycotting a restaurant you should buy large</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
amounts of their food, and then use it to feed the hungry...show the company that good can </div>
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come directly from their company...that they don't have to support hate groups. </div>
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<br /></div>
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This lesson also applies to Christians. If you've read the bible at all, you know we are taught to love thy neighbor, judge not - lest ye be judged, and show God's love. Denying and/or trying to diminish the right's of others, as well as supporting groups that condemn others (whether under the name of God/Jesus or not) is blatantly ignoring these teachings (from the Old Testament as well as New). </div>
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<br /></div>
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As a Christian, and even before that, I know it is not my place to judge others. Homosexual </div>
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or heterosexual, rich or poor, whatever race you claim...we are all sinners. The only thing I </div>
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can do to/for you is to love you. I can accept you. I can support you. I can show you my </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
love and God's love. I can know that your sin is between you and God and I have no part</div>
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in that, ultimately. Therefore, I will continue supporting gay rights. I will treasure my</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
friends and family whose lives differ from my own. The rainbow makes this world a </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
beautiful place. </div>
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<br /></div>
<h4 style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="font-weight: normal;">(Tangent: Yes, I know homosexuality is listed as a sin in various parts of the bible. There are also lots of places that are against heterosexuality....both expressly outside of marriage. An easy, simple, and no where written as going against the word of God solution is marriage. It works to erase the sins of heterosexuals. I see no reason why it shouldn't be the solution for homosexuals. Now the only thing standing in the way is the world (laws of man). To my eyes, this makes accepting gay / lesbian marriages all the more important. )</i></h4>Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-80064476573539583232012-03-29T06:34:00.000-07:002012-03-29T06:34:34.443-07:00Changing sleep routinesI am not a happy happy girl right now. I'm sleepy. Very tired...mostly brain tired, but some physical tired. Know what I mean, Vern? Of late I have not been sleeping well. It sucks. I'm wide awake somewhere between 12:30 and 2 am. Then it's taking all my power to stay in bed and doze for a few hours until my alarm goes off. If there's any noise at all or any light visible, I'm screwed. No sleep for me once I awake.<br />
<br />
I hear that there's an article floating around that talks about how sleep splitting is more natural for the body. Maybe for some, but not for me. I'm not used to this. I'm usually in bed between 8:30-9:30 pm and stay asleep until 5:30 am. It's good, and I have all the energy I need to make it through the day again. This new waking up at 1 and barely napping until 5:30 am thing is for the birds. It's starting to frustrate me. By my last class, yesterday, I was having difficulty writing clearly on the boards, my spelling ability flew out the window, and I was yawning like crazy. It's fairly disruptive. I need sleep.<br />
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I don't know what's going on. I thought maybe stress, but the stressful things I'm aware of have been taken care of. When I drank caffeine regularly, this might have been normal. However, I've been off caffeine for almost three years now. My family isn't being any more loud or active at night than normal. I'm exercise occasionally, try not to fall asleep watching tv, don't eat immediately before bed, read until I'm dropping my book and snoring more than reading. Yet, I'll still be awake at 1 am.<br />
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Help.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-22278361697156508142012-03-18T13:36:00.001-07:002012-03-18T13:37:15.387-07:00New hobbyI'm slowly learning the skill of machine sewing. This is a very good thing. Today, I completed my first all-by-myself purse. It's a bit small for an all-the-time bag, but will be great for those times when I don't want to carry everything in the world with me (it fits my wallet, glasses case, and phone with only a little room to spare)...or even as a formal purse. It's pretty!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pLsl-9SNrb0/T2ZFsppIpPI/AAAAAAAAAwY/MSo95IM4RYo/s1600/IMG_0114.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pLsl-9SNrb0/T2ZFsppIpPI/AAAAAAAAAwY/MSo95IM4RYo/s320/IMG_0114.jpg" width="217" /></a></div> This is a pretty good shot...it shows off the different patterned materials that I put together. They are all in the same shades and have a metallic sheen to them. Ooh la, la!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RFdt5VNqYeI/T2ZG5kb0blI/AAAAAAAAAwo/91xK0SH77oU/s1600/IMG_0116.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RFdt5VNqYeI/T2ZG5kb0blI/AAAAAAAAAwo/91xK0SH77oU/s320/IMG_0116.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Isn't it pretty?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-64751575842035163532012-02-07T21:41:00.000-07:002012-02-07T21:41:28.287-07:00OverwhelmedSometimes I over-eat....trying to smother the bad feelings.<br />
Sometimes I watch sad tv/movies....trying to cry away the bad feelings.<br />
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I've learned to pray....to give up the bad feelings.<br />
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None of these is working tonight.<br />
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Now my stomach hurts. I can't stop the tears but I'm not really crying either. I've said the same prayer over and over. I know it by heart. God knows it, and I'm pretty sure he just wants me to stop. But I can't. So. Now my brain is running in circles. I want to stay up late and watch Grey's Anatomy. I don't think I can actually sleep. Staying on the sofa isn't the answer.<br />
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<br />
Also. I may be going crazy. Today got to me.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-84729597152975219032012-01-05T18:45:00.000-07:002012-01-05T18:45:30.255-07:00And the badSometimes it really sucks to work with At-Risk kids. This is especially true when you find out that they haven't overcome the risks.<br />
<br />
Near the end of the last school year I found out that a former student of mine did something exceedingly stupid. He tried to steal a laptop from a little girl on the street. Sadly, she wouldn't let go of her laptop and was drug behind the car...killing her. The boy, and the his friend with him, were caught and thrown in prison.<br />
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<br />
A facebook message tonight alerted me to the fact that my student will probably never see the outside world again. He was charged with murder 1 and a couple of other charges including trafficing.<br />
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I don't know how to feel about this. He was (as far as I knew him) a good kid who just deserved a chance. But, I'm also glad that he will be paying the consequences for this.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-48863936685591467622012-01-03T20:13:00.000-07:002012-01-03T20:13:27.180-07:00DIYScore! One of the major hurddles I have / had in my crocheting is the ability, or lack there of, to count stitches. It seems reasonable to me to believe that if I start off with the right number of stitches and match the length of the chain....then the new bit should be the same number of stitches. This is not always the case. A good portion of my crocheting becomes wobbly edged and stretched out.<br />
<br />
But, I sucked it up. Learned how to count. And have produced one super cute, imho, pair of fingerless gloves.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ciP5piGNeGI/TwPDkTPCR0I/AAAAAAAAAv0/dpsAIwGtV9Q/s1600/AiR1QzNCAAAI-Ds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ciP5piGNeGI/TwPDkTPCR0I/AAAAAAAAAv0/dpsAIwGtV9Q/s320/AiR1QzNCAAAI-Ds.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-90179891979068966282011-12-31T12:57:00.001-07:002011-12-31T15:02:06.191-07:00A New Year<b>Out with the old. In with the new. ~ A fresh start. ~ Time to make some resolutions! ~ Time to reevaluate. </b><br />
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I don't really know which philosophy I ascribe to. They all seem reasonable....in some form or another. I can see how they would work for people. I also understand why many people cave and ditch the resolutions before the first month is even up. Change is hard. Admitting that you're flawed is hard. Asking for help, admitting you need help, getting help....it's all hard.<br />
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I don't usually make resolutions. But over the past two years I have set some goals for myself. Yes, I originally set these goals in January, but they weren't really New Year's resolutions. They were just things I wanted to work on.<br />
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Last year's goals: 1. Keep the weight off and get healthier. <b>Check!</b> (I feel really good about where I am and how my health is going.)<br />
2. Relax. Try to curb the drastic mood swings and stress outs. <b>Check.</b> (There has been a noted decrease in the amount of emotional craziness coming from me. Still a ways to go, though.)<br />
3. Start listening and trusting in God, more. <b>Check.</b> (This goes hand in hand with the stress thing and I'm positive that He is the peace I needed. Still a long journey here, too.)<br />
4. Love. <b>Check!!</b><br />
5. Evaluate and let go of things that weren't working for me. C<b>heck!</b> (Book review blog gone. Trying to fit in with other's views of me as a Christian, Teacher, Woman.............mostly gone.)<br />
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<b>For 2012 </b> I'm putting my goals out for the world to see...<br />
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1. Faith (in God, in others, in myself)<br />
2. Love<br />
3. Japan (if you don't know...just wait, I'll explain sooner or later)<br />
4. Travel (because I haven't really and I want to)<br />
5. Write more (maybe if I practice more events like NaNoWriMo won't be so stressful.)<br />
6. Be less judgmental (I am terribly judgmental (of people ~ real and on the internet) and honestly have no reason to be) <br />
7. Read the books on my shelves. (My brain cracked last night and I had a fit about which book to read. Must read the unread books that are filling up four of my shelves before I buy/borrow more.)<br />
8. Bike (Ride it more, fix it up a bit, enjoy it more often)<br />
9. Crochet (do more, learn more, be less frustrated with something I enjoy)<br />
10. Learn to sew (I would like to be able to make myself skirts and purses)<br />
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So there they are. My goals. They are not resolutions. They are not to the exclusion of everything else. They aren't taking the place of past goals. There is still a lot of work left to do on those. They are just goals....things to make me a better me. It will be interesting to come back next Dec 31 and see what these goals have become.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-84894486985608101782011-11-20T08:49:00.000-07:002011-11-20T08:49:19.304-07:00So you think you can protest?So, my Facebook, Google +, and Tumblr are filled with photos with messages like this right now:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HblNdh5GuvQ/Tskd778UBYI/AAAAAAAAAvM/dJwAEChAfmY/s1600/ME%252BNEITHER.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HblNdh5GuvQ/Tskd778UBYI/AAAAAAAAAvM/dJwAEChAfmY/s320/ME%252BNEITHER.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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And it pisses me off. Why? Not because I have some connection with the Westboro Baptist Church (in fact I loathe them for giving non-extremist Christians, and others, a bad rep.) but because people who are posting and agreeing with these pictures are being idiots.<br />
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Here's what I know. The WBC is very good at what it does. They have been doing it for years. Years! And yes the text in the pictures is correct...you won't see WBC getting tear gassed at their protests. Want to know why? THEY FOLLOW THE LAW! That's right. They set up their protests with the local cops. They occupy the spaces allowed for them only during the hours assigned to them. They don't touch others, they don't camp, and if a cop tells them to move....they do.<br />
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Your right to protest and your right to free speech are only yours when you are following all laws. You can't pick and choose which ones you want to follow.<br />
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Sure your protest might be peaceful, but if it is held in a city park that has posted closing hours and you stay later..........or if the city has an ordinance about no camping on public sidewalks, yet some of your protesters take naps........you are breaking a law. The police are within their rights to do something to correct the situation. Don't misunderstand, tear gassing a group of peaceful sit-in protesters is extreme and uncalled for. However, if the really story is out there somewhere, I bet it also tells of how the city has laws that the protesters are somehow violating.<br />
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I hate the internet pictures that get passed around like wildfire and just make those who are protesting something worthy look like idiots. Don't pass that stuff around. Be smart. Know the laws, get them on your side. The easiest way to win a fight with the law is show those in command that the law actually does include you. <br />
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***edit***<br />
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The same thoughts apply to the Facebook status posting of :<br />
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<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">So the US Supreme Court has ruled that you have the right to protest military funerals. I invite you to start your protest in my front yard. We can see if your 1st Amendment rights are better than my 2nd Amendment rights. Re-post if you're a vet, love a vet, or just support vets...</span></h6>I can guarantee that if this was actually to occur, you would be charged with homicide. Want to know why? You invited someone onto your property. You have given permission. If you then turn around and shoot those who are on your property with your permission.....homicide. Somehow I think murder trumps protesting in the hierarchy of law breaking.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-31391162416378089082011-10-29T19:39:00.000-07:002011-10-29T19:39:09.323-07:00NaNoWriMo 2011Halloween is one of my favorite times of year. Horror films, candy, and costumes....all of it awesome. The last few years have added a couple extra awesome things to this holiday. See, immediately after Halloween comes NaNoWriMo. I'm not the best at creative writing. (I know how strange that is....I like spinning yarns here on the blog, but that's different to me.) But I do love writing during November. <br />
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And then....after Halloween and NaNoWriMo.....Anniversary! December 1 = 4 years!Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-4799079600060856442011-08-02T19:36:00.000-07:002011-08-02T19:36:07.362-07:00That time...Once a month, for about a week or so, I become a walking cliche....a stereotype. A bitching woman with PMS. Gaaa! I hate this. I used to be so proud that generally I didn't have any of those symptoms. Sure I got cramps, but nothing that would alter my mood. I wasn't irrationally angry for a week. Nothing. You probably wouldn't even know it was my time unless I'd said something about cramps.<br />
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But apparently, not any more. Now it's like clock work. I can see people steeling themselves preparing for battle. Well, maybe not people, but my husband at least. It frustrates me beyond all belief to see and feel an argument over something honestly inane coming on and not be able to do anything. On top of that is the fight itself. Another thing I hate. I don't pick fights over things that matter to me. I bitch about surface level things that only matter a small amount. Large fights. No reason. I can even recognize there is no reason during the argument...that doesn't stop it.<br />
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I've tried a few things to help keep me more even keeled. But they only help when my body is behaving the way it should....which is only about half the time it seems. With my weight loss, periods have been a whole new experience. I'm sure the marked increase in PMS symptoms is part of that. <br />
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On top of everything, picking fights leaves me in a grumpy mood for hours if not days after. Gee, just what everyone needs! But then, a troublesome bit of my brain kicks in and all will power is gone. I go back to comfort over eating. Self- sabotage. I know it. I am nearly powerless to avoid it. Which then leads to more grumpiness but dammit why can't I control myself. I worked hard to lose this weight. No gaining it back. And Wham! The cycle continues.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8vR8QCgmjBs/TjizwCpYPWI/AAAAAAAAAuk/e6tq7Yfa3lc/s1600/PMS-Zone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8vR8QCgmjBs/TjizwCpYPWI/AAAAAAAAAuk/e6tq7Yfa3lc/s320/PMS-Zone.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">I hate PMS!</span></div>Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-35370658530865535492011-05-12T10:50:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:38:47.159-07:00Surprise!I've been slacking and not checking the email account associated with my school blogs. I need to keep up with this better. I was contacted by someone from the BBC interested in the Canterbury Challenge project, I do with the English 7 students. I've emailed them back. Depending on what they say, this may up the levels on that project / class. <br />
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And I really need to start paying attention to that email! Maybe use it as my main account for google things and student interactions next yearMandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-23047877699417984482010-12-12T18:33:00.000-07:002010-12-12T18:33:16.995-07:00Bugger all!Loosing the last 20 pounds is going to kill me. Well probably not really...but loosing this last little bit seems to be taking longer, and being more stubborn than the previous 40. Bah! As it is, I was supposed to hit the goal (according to the helpful app) the beginning of January. Yay birthday shopping! But now it appears to be the beginning of February.....so we'll see.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-38874845010734993222010-10-16T10:57:00.000-07:002010-10-16T10:57:47.619-07:00happiness is......having to buy all new clothes because those you had are now uncomfortably big on you.<br />
...being very very near your randomly chosen weight loss goal.<br />
...knowing you will be able to (almost) easily reach the recommended weight goal. <br />
...having a partner and friends who support you in this life change.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-77924309424125692832010-09-19T17:50:00.000-07:002010-09-19T17:50:33.621-07:00Something about SundayThere is just something. Something about Sunday. There is something about this particular Sunday...and other like it, that helps me slide into introspection. Today's topic seems to be friendship and or more accurately my homebody behavior.<br />
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I do this thing. I know I do it. It was pointed out to me in the past as being negative, but I no longer know if it is. I like to spend time with the person I love. Sometimes to the exclusion of all other people. I let the object of my affection take up all my time. This was a negative. Previously, this focused attention kept me from my friends, from others I adore, from places and events, and from myself.<br />
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I realized today that while I do have local friends, I don't often see most of them. The two or three people I consider to be my friends from work....I see daily there, but only once in a great while outside the school system. Friends from geek circles are usually only seen at geek events. The rest of the time I use twitter and facebook to keep up with them. Friends from kink circles have all but faded. There are still a few I consider friends, and keep in touch with, but yet again....it is only through twitter and facebook.<br />
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I don't even really call and chat with people.<br />
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I don't think my lack of social interaction is truly a negative thing, this time. Sure I spend most of my time with my husband, but that's good. We get along and are interested in many of the same things. I'm not missing events or people because of my time with him. We just don't go out often. A large portion of this is due to money....or lack there of. Some is location. We live in a different part of the valley than most of my friends. And another portion goes to time. My weekly schedule doesn't allow for much socialization on weekdays...even with Teel. Weekends are available, but then I have to get over my own personal homebody tendencies.<br />
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I'm usually much more willing to stay home and be comfy than drive across town to hang out for a couple hours.<br />
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I haven't decided where this post is going or has ended up. I don't know if I actually miss having a large group of friends that I saw daily....or if these small interactions are fine. I do know that there is something about this Sunday that is pointing out how much I miss having one or two close friends to just hang out with occasionally.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-20647491272323141982010-09-18T07:01:00.000-07:002010-09-18T07:01:01.967-07:00Something I'd fortten....Volleyball is fun, yo.<br />
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I forget sometimes that there is a sport that I actually enjoy playing. I'm not a good enough athelete to enjoy most sports...and I find little to no point in watching them on tv. But, every once in a while I'm given the opportunity to experience one for myself. This time it was in the form of a students vs. teachers lunchtime volleyball game. I was reminded that I'm good at serving, decent at the rest of the positions, and can take a fall without problems. The teachers won. The second game was called early when one of the students decided the roof of the school was feeling left out. Hopefully, it likes its new friend volleyball.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-50297707039091106192010-09-06T09:05:00.000-07:002010-09-06T09:05:09.786-07:00A walk in the doldrumsI'm not depressed. At least I don't believe I am. I'm just dissatisfied with myself right now. I feel like I'm always snipping angrily, or I'm always tired. I don't do the things I decided I want to do each day.<br />
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For several days/weeks now the thought has been on the top of my to-do list, to get off my ass and update all my blogs. In particular this one, and my book blog. I especially hate the way no one comments on the book blog any more, but I can't really blame them...I haven't done anything community wise myself for over a year now.<br />
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I dislike that I've all but stopped working out. I'm down to maybe half an hour three times a week. This is my fault, I know. I need to make myself do it, but I'm finding the attraction of sitting like a lump after a day at school more relaxing than exercise. Along those lines, I hate that I'm still losing weight but my waist size has not gone down at all. When I look in the mirror I can see that I've lost weight...even around my waist, but measuring and by feel, I'm still carrying around the chub.<br />
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I know I shouldn't begrudge myself having to do homework...such as grading and prepwork. But this is the first time in four years, that I've had to bring home work almost every night and weekend. Usually, it is just once or twice a block. I'm not sure what the difference is. Yes, I'm teaching an extra class, but it is a class I don't have to prepare for. I show up and watch the kids take a class on the computer. I'm there to babysit and grade their essays. I'm also teaching science fiction, which seems to be taking a lot of prep time, but since I've revamped it that should come as no surprise. I just don't understand why this block is suddenly so much busier on the school front than before.<br />
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I thought I believed in God. I still feel that this and this choice in religion is right for me. But that is about all I know right now. I can't trust myself, my judgement, my faith. It's hard to believe in anything concerning God/Christianity right now. Even just thinking about it brings me to tears....and talking about it starts arguments, nearly nightly, with my husband.<br />
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I miss being the story teller I was. That's what this blog used to be. I had a way with words, or I thought I did. Now, I'm either babbling aimlessly or bitching.<br />
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I miss being the optimistic person I thought I was. I remember thinking / seeing the best in people....but that seems to have gone the way of snow in my life....non-existent.<br />
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The doldrums are a murky place, filled with traps that a girl could easily get lost in. I know I'm at least half-way through them....I can see the light....see the end. I just hope this isn't a trick.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-81732434975623541322010-08-08T11:41:00.000-07:002010-08-08T11:41:45.492-07:00Woot for Weightloss!So I was doing some math yesterday and I realized my numbers are great! When I started working out in February-March I was topping out at 205. I'd crossed that magical 200 number and hated it. I'm now at 180. That means that I've lost 25 pounds since then! I'm 11.5 pounds lighter than I was at the beginning of summer. I'm 10 pounds lighter than I was when Teel and I got married. I'm only 5 pounds heavier than I was when I started college.....which means I'm probably only 10 pounds heavier than I was when I graduated high school. Go me! All of this means that if I stick to it, I may actually get to my first goal weight of 160 before Christmas! Which could lead to getting to my recommended BMI weight by the end of the school year. I think this might be the first time I've been happy about math!Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-33532439474007646142010-08-08T11:32:00.000-07:002010-08-08T11:32:44.381-07:00Vegas and SanDiegoYay for vacations....even working ones! A few weeks ago we went on vacation. It started with a quick jaunt to Vegas were during the day I was holed up in an oh-so-excited education conference. Some good things came of it, but classes sure aren't what I think of when I think Vegas. We did do a bit of sight-seeing...I think we walked the entirety of the strip pretty much every night. Saw all the free shows, ate some awesome icecream at Serendipity 3, and hung out with Coley. She and her sister took us to a dive restaurant where I had my first taste of crawfish, shrimp w/heads n legs, and crab legs by the plastic bag full. Delishious, messy, and so much fun to catch up with her!<br />
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And then there was comicon! SanDiego is quite the awesome place. We stayed in a strange little hotel right in the heart of Little Italy. And by strange I mean the elevator can barely hold two people comfortably and the toilet is on a landing a step higher than the rest of the bathroom. But it was a nice walk to and from with lots to see.<br />
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One of my favorite sights on the walk was that many of the overpasses had been decorated with old school video game characters, in tile. The one nearest the hotel was a space invader and a tiny lil Mario 1-up mushroom.<br />
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There was so much to see at the Comicon that I often didn't even think to take my camera out. Also, I was strangely disappointed in the lack of costumed people wandering around. I did snap a few photos, but really the most memorable....you know outside the fact that at one point I was in the same room as Nathan Fillion....was the amount of swag we walked away with. I had no idea that many of the vendors would be just giving away cool products. I was even more surprised to see that there were tons of publishers there...giving away ARCs! I was a bit discombobulated, it took a couple days, and much razzing from Teel, before I became comfortable enough to ask for the freebies. So much stuff! All in all I'm glad I went to the comicon, but I don't think I'll be going back any time soon.....too many people...too stress-filled...and line-filled. I'll stick to the Phoenix con.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-15396052949483369102010-07-16T21:26:00.000-07:002010-07-16T21:26:03.123-07:00Gift Card and book giveawayI'm running a contest on my book blog. It's for a $60 CSN gift certificate and a mystery book. You don't have to be a follower of the blog...so share the fun and enter!<br />
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<a href="http://mandyfish-reads.blogspot.com/">Link to the giveaway!</a>Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-10299319519853945232010-07-05T11:54:00.000-07:002010-07-05T11:54:44.609-07:00Exercise on my mindI've never been one to be super obsessed with exercise, being a smaller size, or anything like that. Even now I'm happy with the way my body is overall. But this blog runs the risk of becoming one of those exercise / weight loss blogs. Lately, I've been on a health kick, am getting positive results, and think I'll stick with it.<br />
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Back in January, I realized I was becoming softer than I wanted to be. My ass was in danger of being shaped like my sofa! While I started working out then, I didn't get really serious about exercise until March. My SIL was on a workout kick at the time, and between her working out all the time and my being couch shaped I had to step up. Only this time Teel agreed to start working out with me, which helps with my motivation a lot.<br />
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Now, I'm down 15 lbs. since I started working out in March. I haven't done much adjustment in my eating. Fast food is almost out completely except for once in a blue moon things, more fresh fruits and veggies, and caffeine is out all together. I'm not really dieting, other than watching my calories through <a href="http://loseit.com/">LoseIt.com</a>. I have seriously bumped up my exercise routines now. Until a couple weeks ago I was doing somewhere between 3-6 hours of work out a day. Now, thanks to an unexpected case of food poisoning, I'm down to a more manageable 1-2 hours a day.<br />
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I don't do anything crazy for workouts.....generally. I did participate in a 4 week exercise boot camp. I loved it! Unfortunately, money won't let me continue with that. Otherwise, I walk, do routines and activities on the WiiFit, use the BowFlex for strength training, and just recently (like two days ago) bought a bike.<br />
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See....lots to do......lots to be proud of.......lots to make this an exercise blog. :)Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-86924790958628203702010-06-19T20:08:00.000-07:002010-06-19T20:08:59.334-07:00HomebodyI must be getting older. I don't think it is a bad thing, but it is definitely different than previously. I've become a homebody. Most nights and weekends I'm completely happy ....and usually more than willing to stay home. But every once in a while it become stir crazy. There is usually no explanation for it. Sometimes it is due to canceled dates, sometimes from talking to friends...or not talking to them, or a myriad of other reasons. The thing that stands out to me as odd is that previously if I got the stir crazy moods it could take days to get out of the moods. Lately, all it takes is a good nap and some dinner....or maybe a walk. Yep. I'm old.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23706585.post-68737538285594723402010-05-08T08:08:00.000-07:002010-05-08T08:08:16.156-07:00Almost summer!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uAoxtlaV0mk/S-V8we3KpxI/AAAAAAAAAgc/00dtdCZ3Wzs/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uAoxtlaV0mk/S-V8we3KpxI/AAAAAAAAAgc/00dtdCZ3Wzs/s320/images-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>10. Ten is the number of teaching days left in this school year. On the look back, even with the few bumps I've had this year, it has been infinitely smoother than last year. I feel more confident in my abilities (though I do still get the feeling ...occasionally...that I'm a sham and just pretending to teach) and I'm more confident that my students are actually learning and retaining the knowledge /skills I'm helping to equip them with.<br />
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That being said....Please God, let this next two weeks go by quickly! Right now the seniors are on my last nerve. I'm sure it's a case of senioritis, but most of them are currently not passing....and I don't have high hopes of their research papers will completed (well) by the due date.<br />
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But I'm going to keep my fingers crossed. Maybe they'll stop wasting their time whinning and start furiously working? This is the first block of classes, in 2.5 years, that has stressed themselves - and thereby me- this badly.Mandyfishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12758792191021561729noreply@blogger.com0