June 25, 2007

Thoughts on kink...rough play...

When I'm really enjoying the pain, the scene, the person, the whatever I laugh. There are still the occasional yelps, whimpers, groans, and other noises...but I laugh and occasionally swear. This isn't really news. But I discovered last night that I have that same reaction, paired with the urge to push into the person's fists, when I'm pounded on hard. I'd done a little bit of impact play before, and it was enjoyable enough to know I wanted more, but there was never enough to experience the laughter/fight. I got a taste of it last night!

I've been thinking for a while that what I really needed kink-wise was a big, full-tilt, beat the snot out of me, break me into a thousand pieces, make me into a puddle of goo who is contemplating using a safe word, down and dirty energy dump scene. I've been walking an edge where I wanted to be playing again, but it was just as easy to not play. It had been a good while. I have even sort of asked people for the type of play I wanted....sort of...I didn't really pursue it in any form.

Last night, I ran into some very accommodating fists. Beating on me wasn't the plan at the start of the evening, at least not that I'm aware of, but it lead to a boat load of good. It wasn't a big to-do...it was actually more playful and exploratory. The fifteen minutes to half hour (I'm horrible at tracking time when being whompped on) that my back was subjected to pummeling and clawing took me to a place I hadn't been in a long time. It was good.

I want more. That's a good statement...it covers several different tracks. Most importantly, I want more. I don't want to not do kink anymore. Then there is the I want more of I want my able to play hard tolerance back. This cringing at the idea of a good proper spanking thing is for the birds. I want to be pushed past the false protests and allowed to fly. There is also my body's I want more protest statement. Last night was impromptu and somewhat new territory which led to only my back getting played on really. My whole front half and from the waist down in back wants to play too!

But I'm not complaining...oh no! I'm quite enjoying being able to feel my shoulder muscles knot or stretch depending on how I move. The bruises are entertaining as well. Several small pinpoint like bruises mark the areas most often impacted which contradicts the overall ache. The sore spots are much larger...it seems strange that there isn't a lot of bruising. Who knows? Maybe it'll show up later...or will be something achieved with more poundings.